What should be done for a speedy healing process?


Dear Stop It Now!,

My 5yr. old was asked to perform oral sex to a 14 yr. with whom he has grown up with. This happened twice and my son told me.  I was angered but today is his 1st counseling session, and I am nervous.

Please share your feedback

Dear Nervous Parent,

I bet you are angry - what parent wouldn’t be furious?  But I have to say that it is so wonderful that your son told you.  It tells me that you have set up some good boundaries with him – he knows what to do when something doesn’t feel right, and he came to you.

Children Do Heal
It is so important that you know that children are very resilient.  In fact, their healing is often more related to how parents respond.  If your response, as it seems to be, has been to believe him, assure him that you will address the risk in his life and work to keep him safer, get him support and just love him, then his recovery from this sexually harmful experience is so very likely.

I’m so glad that you’re all meeting with your son’s counselor today.  It will take this person a little bit of time to get to know your son, build a relationship but hopefully she or he will be able to help you with tools to meet any concerns that your son has.  Their role is to help your son express himself, reinforce an environment of safety and help parents with their questions.

Get Your Own Support
And it is so important for you to also have professional support to help you with your anger.  As I said, it is completely understandable that you feel this way and it’s important that as the adult, you have a safe place to talk about it so that your son can focus on himself.  Parenting is hard enough without having traumas like this so please, seek out some support. Your son’s counselor may be able to give you a referral, or also check in with your insurance provider. 

Safety Planning
I want to include some articles and tip sheets for you to help you understand sexual behaviors between children and to help you build up safety planning in your house.  It’s important to find a balance between allowing children to be free and live without fear and setting up healthy and protective rules and boundaries.  I hope these will help:

I hope this information is helpful, and please do not hesitate to contact us back with further concerns or questions. 

Take care,
Stop It Now!

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Last edited on: November 13th, 2018