Conversations in Prevention Spotlight

Micah has been a Helpline consultant for the Stop It Now! confidential helpline for almost four years. We asked them to share some of their thoughts and observations about providing support and guidance to adults who are attracted to minors, and perhaps at-risk of abusing children. 

Why is reaching out to this particular population so important?

This is what primary prevention is all about. Every time a child is abused there are at least two involved parties. So what happened in those days, weeks, months or even years before that person sexually abused a child? Often there’s a period of self-reflection – a moment or many moments where an adult who is attracted to minors noticed that their emotions, behaviors or fantasies were starting to feel out of control. And in those instances it’s important to open the curtain so-to-speak and shine the light in. Don’t let that person stay in the dark because we see what happens in cases like that all the time – they’re all over the news. We want to help a person who is in this position pave an alternate route that doesn’t end with the sexual abuse of a child. Making sure that people who are worried about their own thoughts have a place to reach out to is a crucial part of prevention.  

What do you commonly hear from people who call in with these concerns?

We hear a lot of fear, shame and confusion. A lot of times people who are worried about their thoughts towards children know that these thoughts are problematic, they’re aware of the taboo and they don’t know where to turn for help. They feel like they’re the only ones in this situation, and it feels like there’s no way out. This can be a very scary and isolating place to be. We often hear from people who tell us that this is the first time they’ve ever talked about this part of who they are out loud.

What is one thing that has surprised you after taking calls like this?

These can be some of the most touching and heart-wrenching calls – I certainly didn’t expect that. The way that I can really hear callers bearing their whole selves – all the emotions they’re overwhelmed with, feeling like they have this deep secret they can’t tell anyone they’re close to about… they don’t want this burden. I find myself empathizing with what they’re going through. I definitely didn’t think that these calls could be so moving.

What is one thing you’d like to pass on to our audience?

A lot of people think that people who call in with these concerns are different, that they could never be a significant other, a relative, a father or sister – but they are. People who call in worried about their thoughts more often than not feel the same way that you and I do about child sexual abuse – they’re saddened by it, disgusted, think it’s horrible and say they would never do so themselves.  We hear most often from people in this position calling in because they want to get help, they want to stay safe, live a “normal” life and they don’t want to hurt kids. So we need to make resources available to them. We need to stop putting the label of “other” on people who are struggling with difficult thoughts. This makes things inaccessible, and makes people think they’re monsters – and when someone thinks they’re beyond hope that really puts them in a position that makes them more likely to do something harmful. 

Not everyone can do this kind of thing – talk to adults who are attracted to children or who may be at risk of abusing – so I’m wondering, how do you show up for this kind of work?

We hear so much about the after: after-effects on the survivor, the family, involvement with CPS, courts, prison time, and all the news coverage that comes along with these stories. What we don’t hear about is prevention. Honestly, I didn’t really know that was a thing before I worked here. Even in school, the focus was on “typologies of offenders” and case studies after-the-fact. I didn’t know a place like this existed. It was refreshing to have the background I did and then come in almost child-like with a sense of awe and wonder about what can be done from the stance of prevention.