Types of Helpline Callers

The Stop It Now! Helpline receives calls at all three levels of public health prevention: Green LightYellow Light, and Red Light.  

  • Green Light: Situation Described Is Not Abuse – Increase Adult Involvement
  • Yellow Light: Concerns with No Disclosure – Family and Community Response
  • Red Light: There is Evidence of Abuse – System Response

Each of these levels are determined and defined by the caller’s need and situation. These levels are not presented to the caller; they are to assist Helpline staff in determining what information, resources and action steps should be discussed with the caller. The Helpline staff use of the warning signs for assessment, knowledge of child sexual development, and empathic listening informs the determination of the caller’s level of need, and the caller’s barriers to responding.

These prevention level categories can be fluid and do not stand alone. These categories provide a format for communication and for determining response options. It is understood by the Helpline staff that the caller is sharing only a snapshot of the situation and the decision to “categorize” the call can only be based on the facts presented. Effective communication and assessment skills further influence the categorizing of the call.

Green and Yellow Light calls have been seen as primarily prevention opportunity calls, while red calls are considered intervention based. Yet, warning signs described in yellow light calls often point to a situation where the abuse of a child seems highly likely. Likewise, calls that start off with the caller’s concern about a child’s behavior may be perceived as a green level call once the described behaviors are identified as possibly normal sexual development behaviors. The action steps offered in red light calls may be equally important in yellow light calls. So, while response options are influenced by the call level, Helpline staff do not limit the information and resources to only “match” the identified call level.

Example Helpline Action Steps Callers May Take: 

  • Learn more about healthy sexual development in children
  • Learn about and identify warning signs (in an adult at-risk, between adults and children, and/or in potential child victims)
  • Share information on warning signs with an adult family member or friend, or others
  • Develop a Family Safety Plan
  • Learn more about specialized treatment/support for (everyone) – children who are behaving in worrisome ways, adults who are worried about other’s safety/involved in protective systems, for survivors and for adults/youth with sexual behavior problems
  • Make a report to CPS or the police
  • Prepare to talk to another adult about your concerns
  • Keep a journal of all of these events
  • Obtain a medical evaluation (also can be referred to as well child exam) of the child
  • Obtain a psychological evaluation of the child
  • Seek support for themselves – identify allies (talk to a friend, see a counselor, join a support group, read a self-help book, visit with the leaders of your faith community, confide in a family member)

Regardless of the level of the contact, Helpline staff open every call with an explanation of confidentiality, noting that identifying information, such as last names, street addresses, etc. are not necessary. This assists in creating a safe environment where the caller can fully express their concern. 

Green Light Calls: Situation Described Is Not Abuse

Primary Objective: Increase Adult Involvement

Contacts that are identified as a Green Light contact are the basis of the prevention approach to child sexual abuse. By taking the opportunity to help a parent and other concerned adults increase their awareness of child sexual abuse and steps to prevent it, the risk of abuse of a child is decreased. 

Callers and situations are typically identified as “green” when they are either:

  • Concerned about children’s healthy and developmentally appropriate sexual behaviors and questioning whether they are normal – behavior related
  • Exploring general ways to keep their children and families safe from abuse – non behavior related

Green Light Call Goals

The main goal of a Green Light Call is to increase adult involvement. This includes providing information and tools for the adult to feel like they can develop and maintain an environment of safety for children. 

Helpline Staff take the opportunity with Green calls to: 

  1. Educate about healthy sexual development for children
  2. Encourage conversations with BOTH adults and children about what is healthy and what is not
  3. Inform about warning signs for children and adults at risk
  4. Create family safety plans

When a caller contacts the Helpline asking for information on whether certain sexual behaviors that they are observing in their child may be related to sexual abuse, it is vital that the Helpline staff validate the caller’s question while providing accurate information. 

Often the caller will have identified a possible warning sign and has taken action by contacting the Helpline for further information and help. This is frequently the place where the Helpline staff’s role in the assessment process is most key. This is where the question, “should I be worried that there is something wrong with my child” or “do you think my child is being abused” is most often asked. Helpline call takers take this opportunity to support and educate the caller as they plan for safety. 

The Green Light caller presents typical and age-appropriate child sexual behaviors and Helpline staff reassure them that based on their description, the behavior is in the realm of expected sexual developmental behaviors. Formal assessments cannot be made. But, by using knowledge about child sexual development fundamentals partnered with warning sign awareness Helpline staff can coach the caller in planning for safety. The caller is encouraged to become familiar with the age-appropriate sexual development stages of youth as an action step. 

In addition to the barriers previously discussed to taking action, just the action of calling for help and support is most likely very difficult for the caller. A variety of feelings – fear, confusion, embarrassment, parental inadequacy, guilt – may accompany the caller’s request for assistance (even when concerned about what turns out to be age and developmentally appropriate healthy sexual behaviors). The “not knowing” is a very uncomfortable position for most adults. When the unknown is regarding sexual behavior in children, the level of discomfort is greatly increased. Applauding the caller’s step in calling is important. As support and information is offered to the caller, the following tips may be helpful:

  • Remind the parent that it is okay to feel uncomfortable thinking and talking about healthy sexuality development, as well as preventing child sexual abuse. It gets easier.
  • Emphasize that information about sexuality does not equal permission.
  • Reinforce the idea that, “actions speak louder than words”. Note the need for adults to model safe/healthy relationships and to be aware of what kinds of relationships children witness.
  • Encourage parents not to wait until children ask questions. Parents should learn what children are naturally curious about at their age and set aside times to teach.
  • Note that if children don’t learn about their bodies and sex from parents, they will find their answers in some other way.

Increasing adult involvement and engagement includes these preventive actions:

  • Encouraging the caller to set family boundaries.
  • Educating the caller on the facts of child sexual abuse and who abuses. 
  • Supporting the caller to find ways for their child to be able to identify what type of touch and situations make them uncomfortable, and on how to respond to this. This may include exploring with the caller how children can be taught that saying and listening to the word “no” is an important prevention tool. 
  • Identifying healthy communications to have with children about their bodies 
  • Providing information on what makes children vulnerable to being abused
  • Emphasizing the need for attention to be paid to all the adults in children’s lives: noticing adults’ behaviors and demeanors when with children.

Benefits of Healthy Sexuality Education

Describing the protective benefits of offering healthy sexuality information early and often helps parents take the steps necessary to become informed and to act:

  • A precedent is set that the topic of sexuality can be talked about in the home and with trusted caretaking adults.
  • Children know they have a safe adult to turn to when they (or friends) have questions about sexuality.
  • Children know that they have permission to use anatomical and descriptive words and language and won’t get in trouble or embarrass the adult when asking questions.
  • Children will be more protected if someone does approach them with a game that is unsafe; they may be more likely to tell caretaking adults about it.
  • Children who understand their bodies and their sexual feelings may feel more confident about this part of themselves and may be less likely to be confused or manipulated regarding inappropriate sexual touch.

Green Light Action steps to encourage:

Yellow Light Calls: Concerns with No Disclosure

Primary Objective: Family and Community Response

There are primarily three types of Yellow Light calls:

  • Bystanders - Concern about a child’s behaviors: Suspect abuse and/or has “gut feeling” but with no disclosure of abuse
  • Bystanders – Concern about a sexual offender in the community
  • Adults with concerns about their own sexual interest in children

In all of these calls, there is no disclosure of a child who has been sexually abused. However, as noted, the warning signs described may indicate a situation that should receive immediate attention, as in a Red Light call. 

Yellow Light Call Goals

Protective and responsive actions that adults can initiate with their family and in the community are the focus. These calls indicate the need for clear actions to be taken to protect children and address unsafe situations. The caller is guided in defining their con-cerns and is provided education regarding appropriate action steps. Resources in the community are identified. Helpline staff coach the caller through an action oriented decision making process and helping them prepare to act. Specific courses of action are rec-ommended while the caller is always asked what they feel they want to do and are able to do.

While each caller’s unique situation and needs are acknowledged, several basic approaches are used in most calls:

  • The warning signs of child sexual abuse and of adults at risk to abuse are reviewed. 
  • ·rofessional supports for evaluation, treatment and reporting are identified and explained
  • Safety planning 
  • Guidance and coaching is given on talking about child sexual abuse concerns with others, including with adults at-risk to abuse

Ways to maximize safety, while considering actions like reporting, counseling and formal assessments are described and sometimes emphasized. Awareness of the caller’s barriers to action helps shape the action steps described. Helpline staff support the caller as they review options, providing pertinent information.

Yellow Light Calls: Bystanders - Concern About Behaviors: Suspect Abuse and/or has “Gut Feeling”, but with No Disclosure of Abuse 

Callers call with “gut” reactions to certain individuals and situations. Helpline staff encourage callers to trust their intuition while at the same time help them identify the behaviors that they are seeing which prompt feelings of discomfort and concern. These gut feelings are important because typically, as a Helpline staff uses their assessment skills to get clarity on the caller’s concern, concrete warning signs may become clear. Stop It Now! suggests that the caller go with their gut feeling, identify the behaviors that are troubling, and then evaluate whether these behaviors are in fact concerning signs. It is important to not dismiss warning signs and Stop It Now! supports acting on concerns as opposed to waiting until there is “proof” (disclosure). 

The relationship of the caller in this bystander role to the situation can vary:

  • Worries about a child who may be being abused
  • Worries about adults at risk for abusing
  • Worries about child at risk for abusing

In many cases, these callers know BOTH the potential child at-risk for abuse, and the adult or youth at-risk to abuse. 

Worries about a child who may be being abused 

Callers who call with a case of suspected child sexual abuse may not know what common warning signs are or what appropriate responses may be. Typically, they will call about specific behaviors and situations they’ve observed or heard about and want to know if they should be concerned. Often, they know that something is a problem, but due to barriers in their life they have yet to respond. Calling the Helpline is their first step in confirming their fears, or at least in recognizing that further actions are necessary.

It is important to share with callers that individual warning signs do not always mean that a child has been abused. Callers are asked to look for patterns and repetitious signs. The presence of regular and ongoing signs could mean that the child is in distress, but not necessarily as a result of child sexual abuse. Regardless, children showing consistent warning signs should be referred to professional assessment and support. 

Based on the warning signs that a caller presents, it may feel obvious that there is an abuse situation. However, because a phone call cannot capture all the details of the situation, Helpline staff will use language that validates the at-risk behaviors and need for action with language such as:

  • “We can’t know for sure, but from what you’ve told me, it might be a good idea to (describe actions steps)”
  • “People in similar situations to what you’ve described here have done (describe action steps)”

As a phone call may leave out vital details of the situation and Helpline staff are not licensed mental health professionals within this role, formal assessments cannot and are not made. However, information and support is provided to move the caller to take the actions that can provide the safest and healthiest environment, including recommendations for formal assessments.

As the caller is coached to think about safety, here are some assessment questions help explore their situation and resources:

  • Are there other concerns about any of the individuals the child has contact with?
  • What is the current supervision plan for the child?
  • Are there other adults who share the caller’s concern or who the caller could/should talk with (i.e. parents)?
  • Are there any professionals involved in the child’s life that can help think about assessment and safety?

Responding to warning signs that a child is being abused

Helpline staff speaks with callers about what can be done to respond to their concerns. Specific action steps are reviewed, and the information gathered from the above questions guides safety planning. Action steps can include but are not limited to:

  • Preventing child from being unsupervised with any concerning adults – ever
  • Keeping a journal of observations, concerns, and gut reactions
  • Learning the warning signs in adults and children who may be at risk for sexually abusing a child and in children who may be being sexually abused
  • Learning healthy sexual development in children versus warning sign behavior.
  • Educating children on the difference between “appropriate touch/inappropriate touch”, proper names for his/her body parts 
  • Having a conversation with the child if there are concerns – learning when this is appropriate and reviewing helpful talking tips 
  • Getting a specialized assessment
  • Talking with a counselor who specializes in child sexual abuse
  • Find “allies” (other adults who share the caller’s concern)
  • Sharing observations and addressing concerns with an adult or youth demonstrating at-risk behaviors

When callers raise concerns about talking with the concerned child, Helpline staff coach them to think about the discussion they want to have. Helpline associates also offer support and practice to prepare them for approaching conversations carefully. Callers may express frustration or confusion on why the youth has not told anyone about abuse in their lives. Education and discussion on why a child may not tell they’ve been abused can be enlightening and motivating. Practical communication tips with children are described:

  • Slow and gentle questions
  • Patience, as children may need time to talk about what is happening and can get distracted
  • Letting children know that they are loved and believed
  • Letting children know that they want to make sure they are safe and that adults should protect them
  • Being aware of adult’s own fearful or angry feelings as they may influence the child

Many callers are grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, step parents and other involved and caring adults in the life of a child who is showing warning signs of abuse. They wonder how to approach the guardian adult with their concerns and observations, often anxious about the reaction. Frequently, the caller cites other relationship issues with the primary caregiver in the child’s life that further impedes communication.

Stop It Now! emphasizes to the caller the importance of talking about their concerns but offers empathic understanding regarding the difficulty of initiating these conversations. Safety concerns are explored. Callers are encouraged to not give up in sharing their concerns and are referred to Let’s Talk on the Stop It Now! website. 

It is key to ask the caller what he or she thinks they can do to help protect a child. In this way, Helpline staff pay attention to cultural, family and other influences that impact a caller. The barriers are often named, as well as the strengths and capabilities of each caller. Encouraging the caller to identify the steps they can take increases the likelihood that an attainable action plan will be developed. 

Reporting

Another response explained to callers is the option of reporting the suspected abuse. This is often a scary and intimidating idea for many callers, especially those that suspect they also know the youth or adult involved. Often callers do know both the child suspected of being abused and the adult or youth who may be doing the abusing.

Talking with callers about the option and need for involving child protection systems is often delicate. The barriers to response are clear as callers identify their concerns about reporting suspicions or disclosed child sexual abuse. Provide support and information to these barriers. The following website pages support these conversations:

Preparing the caller to report can help them feel empowered and less fearful. These brief descriptions can help ready the caller for this step:

  • Calls can be made anonymously to local child protection authorities to ask whether the situation is reportable.
  • The person taking the report will need as much detail as possible, so that the situation can be addressed quickly and competently.
  • People reporting should expect to be asked details such as: name, address, phone number, relationship to child/offender, reason for suspecting abuse (specifics of what was seen or heard), and names of others that might know about the abuse.

Helpline staff offer practical reasons why reporting is important:

  • If someone does not step in, the child may be or continued to be harmed mentally and physically. 
  • It is up to adults to protect children; the caller can play an important role in stopping this abuse.
  • The child might be afraid and confused, therefore should not be expected to come forward on his/her own to report warning signs, uncomfortable gut feelings or actual abuse
  • Assure the caller that by making a report they are not causing problems if an abuse situation is already happening. And if there is no abuse currently happening, they are prioritizing protecting children.
  • The adult or youth who is at risk to abuse or is already abusing may be able to get help

Stop It Now! refers US clients to their state reporting number, found on the Child Welfare Gateway(link is external), and to ChildHelp(link is external) as an additional reporting resource. 

Worries about an adult at risk for abusing 

Callers may call with concerns about an adult they know. Again, it may just be their “gut” feeling that this adult is a risk to others, or they have observed specific warning signs in the adult.  

Helpline staff use these questions to help the caller clarify their concerns about an adult at-risk to abuse:

  • Can caller describe some of the situations with this adult where his or her “gut” alarm went off?
  • Can caller describe some specific behaviors from this adult that felt uncomfortable?
  • Is there a history with this adult of unsafe interactions with a child?
  • Is there anyone else who shares the caller’s feeling about the identified adult at risk?
  • Has the caller talked with the individual about their observations?

The warning signs of an adult that may be at risk to harm a child are reviewed with the caller. Often the caller will make a connection between their “gut responses” to particular behaviors described in the warning signs. They had not been able to name the concerning behavior before but are now able.  The importance of boundaries is described, and Helpline staff provide further education on how children can be in unsafe situations when there are questionable boundaries.

The caller is reminded that any child in an unsafe situation needs to have adult intervention. Safety planning tips are then reviewed with the caller, stressing that children should never be left alone with an adult who could be at risk of harming a child. 

Talking to adults at risk to abuse

Stop It Now! encourages conversations with adults who are at risk to abuse, when safe to do so. Callers are asked whether it feels possible to have a conversation with the concerning adult in order to speak about their concerns and observations. The fear and discomfort associated around having this potential conversation comes up, is acknowledged, and addressed. 

Helpline staff educates callers about the role of secrecy in child sexual abuse and are reminded that staying quiet feeds an environment of secrecy, which is dangerous when children are involved. The idea of conversation is reinforced by educating callers about the effectiveness of talking about concerns and observations with adults at risk. Sharing research-based information about behaviors of adults who have abused is helpful. For example, incarcerated adults who have abused a child have identified these two contributing factors in their offenses:

  • The role that secrecy played
  • Their experience that no one “called them” on their unhealthy behaviors/attitudes towards children prior to the actual abuse

Warning signs in adults at risk to abuse require intervention. Helpline staff emphasize that these signs cannot be ignored if children are to be kept safe. Callers are encouraged to review Behaviors to watch out for when adults are with children and Signs that an adult may be at risk to harm a child. Initiating conversation with an adult who is at-risk to abuse can be a powerful prevention tool. Callers are prepared for talking about their concerns. Fundamentals for a successful conversation are reviewed: 

  • Approaching the conversation in a non-accusatory way.
  • Specific naming of concerning behaviors and observations
  • Clearly stating that the safety of the child is the priority
  • Clearly stating which behaviors towards children are unacceptable and won’t be tolerated
  • Approaching the person with a balance of accountability and support
  • Raising treatment as an effective way to get support and help for concerning behaviors
  • Explain that treatment will allow them to get a professional opinion and learn to control these behaviors
  • Expressing compassion when genuinely felt

Role-playing this conversation, as well as referring callers to the guidebook, Let’s Talk, helps prepare them for this conversation. The caller is coached to think about how this conversation might go and to identify their concerns and fears. These concerns and fears are then discussed and addressed. Compassionate communication tips are offered to support the conversation, to help ease the worry, and to increase safety.

Worries About a Child at Risk for Abusing

Concerns about children’s own sexual behaviors are frequently raised. As imagined, these types of calls are multilayered and involved. Parents and adults are asked to broaden their thinking to a bigger circle of prevention and protection. They are given information and support to help them understand their role and the steps they can take to help all children who are at risk to offend. Situations regarding a child at risk to abuse include:

  • Caller’s own child
  • A child close to the caller, but for whom the caller is not a guardian
  • A child in the community
  • Two or more children engaged in sexualized activity

Caller’s Own Child

Parents call because their child was abused or there is a concern that abuse has happened. Warning signs of sexual abuse in a child have been observed, however as the caller describes his or her concerns, warning signs that the child is at risk to abuse others are recognized. 

Being sensitive to the parent’s wide-ranging feelings is crucial in helping a parent see their role in preventing possible further abuse. The well-being of their own child is naturally the caller’s priority. Helpline call takers connect the need to keep the child safe from abusing any children to the child’s overall safety for themselves. This helps the caller understand the importance of their role in supervision and safety planning. By supervising a child at risk to abuse, other children cannot be harmed and the child at risk is safe as well. The importance of constant supervision in highlighted.

The option of treatment is outlined to the caller, emphasizing the effectiveness of sexual behavior specific therapy for children with therapists experienced in working with children with sexual problem behaviors. Children and Youth Struggling with Unsafe or Harmful Sexual Behaviors in the Resource Guides offers callers a clear explanation of what to expect from therapy. 

Typically, when a caller is concerned about a child who may be at risk for sexually abusing another child there are often extenuating circumstances. Initially, treatment resources are sought. However, safety planning considerations need to be stressed as well. Other children may need to be protected from the child initially identified as the one who is being harmed.

Caller Knows Child, Not a Guardian

When callers call about another person’s child, the first step is to find out whether the caller has talked with the child’s parents and identify what may be the barriers to that conversation. Helping a caller prepare for this conversation is similar to preparing a caller to speak with the parent of child who is showing signs of being abused. 

It is recommended that the caller focus on the safety of child and be able to describe their observations, while avoiding accusations or judgments. It is helpful for callers if they can identify other adults who share their concerns, and who may also be able to speak to the parents about their observations. Safety concerns are always addressed. Even though the caller may not be in a supervisory role with the child, prevention and safety plan tips are reviewed. The caller is encouraged to step in if they directly observe an at-risk situation.

Child in the Community

When a child lets their parent know of concerning sexual behaviors of other children in the community, parents want to know how to respond. There is a lot of hesitance in approaching parents who are mostly unknown to the caller with concerns about their children. Additionally, callers are anxious about the impact on their own children and may not be thinking about the safety of the child reported to be engaging inappropriately. 

Callers are presented with options and support regarding how to talk to the parent, as well as planning for safety with their own children. Identifying other adults in the community who may be able to approach the parents of the child with concerning behaviors can help support the caller’s ultimate decisions and actions. 

Two or More Children Engaged in Sexualized Activity

When the caller is asking about observed sexual play between children or about sexual activity that was reported by a child, it is important to review the Definition of Child Abuse, while exploring age and developmental differences between the children. Helpline staff will discuss healthy sexuality development as compared with warning sign behavior in children. 

Also, in this case, Helpline staff suggest that the caller talk to any other adults who know the children and who share in the care-taking. The caller may want to share the information on healthy sexual development and warning sign behavior with these adults in the child’s life. 

Safety planning is a priority. Supervision is a large part of safety planning, especially when two or more children are engaging in worrisome activities. The caller is encouraged to think about how supervision is set up and what can be done to ensure that children are not left alone together. When addressing concerns about children at risk to abuse, help-line call takers focus on the safety of helping an at-risk youth not offend and to get help if necessary, as opposed to only focusing on the safety of other children. These calls provide the opportunity to:

  • Remind adults that they need to be a voice for children’s safety.
  • Encourage adults to guide and support children learning about healthy behaviors. Children do not always know what healthy behavior is; with guidance they learn but the guidance has to be provided.
  • Share healthy sex development information

A child who is at risk for abusing should be seen by a professional. Talking about what to experience from the social services and/or mental health system can be helpful for a caller.  It can empower and prepare them to ask for the services to help them help the child at risk. 

Helpline staff talks about reporting as a resource for getting help, and as a step that will help prevent any potential and further harm. The importance of getting help so that children can be supported early is emphasized, highlighting the evidence that the younger children are when help is offered for sexually problematic behavior, the higher the likelihood of ending these behaviors. 

Stop It Now!’s philosophy of sharing hope and empowerment is stressed in these calls. Children who are at risk to abuse can be helped and supported. It is often this attitude that will successfully help callers take a step towards protection. 

Yellow Light Action Steps To Encourage For The Bystander Concerned About Abuse:

Yellow Light Calls: Bystander - Concerns About a Sex Offender in the Community

When callers contact the Helpline with concerns about a registered sex offender living in their neighborhood or who is involved somehow in their community, they are seeking a way to feel safe. Media and stereotypes have likely influenced them and a sense of helplessness and fear may be prevalent. Helpline staff provide them with information and steps to both dispel myths and address safety concerns. Their concerns are heard and met with guidance and choices for responding, rationally.  

Tools and talking points to support this caller:

Dispel Myths: Helpline call takers share evidence based facts regarding registered sex offender reintegration into the community. Helpline users often present the stereotyped profile of a sexual offender, and how this isn’t helpful - it just makes us afraid. In re-sponse, helpline staff avoid labels like “monster” and “pervert”, as these terms create a barrier for adults to respond directly to their concerns. Again, these terms increase fear which in turn makes it difficult to cultivate environments of hope and empowerment. When someone is identified as a “monster”, it is difficult to perceive or approach them as a partner in preventing children from being abused. When treated like a “monster”, individuals who are isolated and condemned will act like a “monster”.

Helpline staff define and describe contributing factors in understanding what risk this person in their community poses. The following facts are useful in helping callers reframe and correct any misinformation they may have:

  • The recidivism rate for those convicted of child sexual offenses is low
  • People previously convicted of sexual offenses are often motivated to succeed
  • Counseling has proven to be effective for many 
  • There are much higher incidences of child sexual abuse where the offender knew and/or was related to the child – stranger abductions and sexual abuse are rare
  • Having a stable lifestyle significantly decreases the risk that someone will re-offend. The increased stress of unemployment and not having a place to live can lead to a greater risk of re-offense. Safety can be influenced by the level of support and “normalcy” offered to those who have previously offended
  • People with prior sex offense convictions are often supervised by a parole or probation officer, and generally have restrictions that limit their contact with children
  • Different levels of people who have been convicted of child sex offenses are all required to register on the same registry. For example, a 19 year old may be registered as a child sex offender for engaging in sexual activity with a 16 year old who identified as his girlfriend if that state’s age of consent laws defines 16 year old as under the age of consent. Likewise, a someone who is a registered sex offender could also have sexually assaulted a young child. Both of these types of individuals are registered sex offenders in their state, but may actually be perceived as ultimately posing different risks

Giving callers information about registered sex offender management and how to obtain further information offers callers another action choice. Call takers let callers know that they can seek out more detailed information about this person’s crime and treatment. The Center for Sex Offender (www.csom.org(link is external)) can also help callers learn more. Additionally, community notification meetings as a resource for finding out more information is reviewed. 

Some callers may be interested in knowing where they can find out more about the someone in their neighborhood who is on the registry. Individuals can contact probation/parole officers and local police to request more information. Questions that callers may want to ask these professionals are reviewed:

  • What is the nature of the individual’s offense?
  • What kind of treatment has the individual received?
  • What are the conditions of parole/probation?
  • What are the restrictions of the individuals released?

Safety Planning in their Family and Community –

Warning signs are reviewed, emphasizing their role in prevention. Stop It Now! emphasizes speaking up whenever there are warning signs of an adult’s at-risk behavior. Safety planning is a concrete action that callers forget about; they want to know what to do with the “scary” person but forget what they can do to create a safer environment for the children in their lives and communities. By focusing on what an individual can do, a sense of hope and empowerment can be developed.

The caller is also encouraged to review:

Yellow Light Action Steps To Encourage For The Bystander Concerned About Sex Offender In The Community:

Yellow Light Calls: Adult Concerns About Their Own Feelings and Thoughts – No disclosure of abuse

Primary Objective: Family and Community Response

These callers have not reported the abuse of a child but identify behaviors that are warning signs of an adult at-risk to harm a child. Helpline staff stress to a caller who is calling with worries about themselves the value and importance of getting professional help. The Fifteen Questions About Your Behavior Only You Can Answer from the Online Help Center is reviewed with the caller. Unlike the caller who has abused a child, there may not be reporting considerations. However, the caller is strongly encouraged to take immediate action steps to keep children safe by offering:

  • Support
  • Positive reinforcement for calling for help
  • Normalizing feelings of guilt, fear and sadness; others with similar worries express feeling the same
  • Expression of hope and confidence that help is available and possible
  • Non-judgmental assistance  
  • Referrals and resources for treatment, safety, and support

Callers are asked if there is a child currently at-risk for sexual abuse. At all times, the key mission of preventing the sexual abuse of children and continuing to maintain a focus on safety planning is stressed. 

Helpline staff will ask this caller what they can do to ensure any child involved is safe. Stop It Now! emphasizes the responsibility adults can take to protect children’s safety. The caller who is worried about his or her own feelings can be helped to understand the responsibility that they need to take to keep children safe. This often provides the opportunity to define the next action step for the caller.

Even while referring the caller to professional treatment, the caller and the Helpline staff may develop an interim safety plan that includes the following:

  • Focus on spending time with fellow adults, advisable to limit time with children overall
  • Any time with children must be supervised
  • No child sexual abuse material/child sexual exploitation material (CSAM or CSEM, known commonly as ‘child pornography’)– Note: if caller is engaged in watching CSAM, this becomes a red light call as the caller is engaging in child sexual abuse.
  • Engage in healthy and personally fulfilling activities
  • Commitment to call for treatment referrals
  • Consider confiding in a trusted family member or friend for support
  • Explore Stop It Now! website on information for adults concerned with their own behaviors

How Treatment Works

How treatment works is described and callers are referred to information on the tip sheet, Adults Who Have Sexually Offended or Feel At-Risk Need Very Specialized Help. Stress the positive aspects to getting treatment immediately, as well as the negative aspects to not stepping forward. Positive aspects to coming forward include:

  • Understanding and controlling sexual thoughts, feelings, and fantasies towards a child through treatment with specialized counselors. 
  • Learning and developing ways to ensure that sexual thoughts, feelings and fantasies towards children are not acted on.
  • Living healthier and safer lives. Feeling feel better about themselves after benefitting from treatment.
  • Learning more about self and personal values.
  • Protecting children from harm. 
  • Preventing a crime. 
  • Preventing potential legal problems.

It is important to be sensitive to survivor issues. The caller themselves may have been abused. While tempting to support the survivor in the caller, it is more urgent to identify the safety of any children at risk as the priority.

Yellow Light Action Steps To Encourage the Adult Concerned About Themselves:

Yellow Light Sample Calls: Advice Columns

Red Light Calls: There is Evidence of Abuse 

Primary Objective: System Response

In a Red Light call, there is already an established case of the sexual abuse of a child. A child or adult has made a disclosure or there has been a professional determination that a child has been sexually abused. There may or may not be any system involvement at the time the caller contacts Helpline for services.

The caller with evidence of child sexual abuse may be making their first call for help: the sexual abuse of a child has just been realized and has not yet been reported to the child protection and legal authorities. 

Callers who are aware of an adult or youth who has abused are also identified as Red Light Calls. Often the caller is aware of both the child abused and the person who abused. 

Generally, Red Light Callers are:

  • Bystanders – concerns about a child who has been abused; known through disclosure or assessment 
  • Bystanders – concerns about an adult or child who has abused; known through disclosure or other evidence
  • Survivors - An adult survivor of child sexual abuse or another adult with concerns about an adult survivor
  • Adults who have abused children, includes watching CSAM

Red Light Call Goals

Immediate safety concerns are the priority for these calls. This includes exploring options for system involvement, as well as treatment and healing resources.

While Stop It Now! is not a crisis line, protocols to respond to crises are defined. Callers are directed to appropriate authorities and helplines that do offer crisis responses. While these calls are primarily “intervention” focused, which is not Stop It Now!’s primary specialty or focus, the objective of preventing further abuse is understood. By helping callers identify supports and resources, they are more prepared to act safely on behalf of the children they are trying to protect.

Red Light Calls: Bystanders - Concern About a Child Who has been Abused; Through Disclosure or other Evidence 

Protective adults concerned about a child who has been abused seek out assistance throughout the stages of need while they help the child:

  • At disclosure
  • Through healing and recovering
  • Through system involvement – “downstream” calls

Disclosure

Callers sometimes question whether the child is telling the truth about the abuse. Inform the caller that children can only talk about what they have been exposed to. While children certainly can play “pretend”, they pretend with concepts that are familiar to them. If a child is talking about sexual abuse, they are familiar with sexual behaviors or experiences in some fashion. Additionally, it is highly unlikely that a child would deliberately make false accusations or misinterpret appropriate adult-child contact as sexual abuse. Helpline staff emphasize to parents that children rarely lie about sexual abuse, and while a story of sexual abuse appears to change or evolve over time, this is a common pattern of disclosure for children. The caller is informed how important it is to believe the child, and to respond accordingly.

When a child tells about sexual abuse, the adult hearing the child’s story most likely feels devastated and overwhelmed. The range of reactions may include:

  • The wish that it would just stop.
  • Rage towards the person who has abused the child.
  • Disappointment in oneself for not seeing it sooner.
  • Anger towards the child for not telling sooner.
  • Denial that it could have ever happened.
  • Doubting the child.
  • Strong feelings of being betrayed by the person who has abused.
  • Sense of loss
  • Shame that this has happened
  • Fear of authorities and system involvement

The caller is provided with the tools to role model for the child how to be safe and how to act in a protective manner.  The initial response to a child reporting child sexual abuse is crucial; this is highlighted with the caller. At that moment, the child can begin a healthy recovery but needs to know that the adults in his or her life will respond protectively. The connection between a child’s disclosure of abuse the response and reaction of protective adults is described. A child disclosing sexual abuse needs protective adults to:

  • Stay Steady 
  • Re-establish Safety 
  • Believe what they say  
  • Free Them of Self-Blame 
  • Save their rage and share appropriately with other adults 
  • Get Help 

Following disclosure, protective adults can:

  • Learn more about warning signs, benefits of treatment, recovery and how the system works 
  • Keep a journal
  • Establish a safety plan with adequate supervision – suggest the caller works with other trusted adults and implement immediately.
  • Talk to the person who has offended – this is only to be done if considered safe to do so and legally appropriate. Recommend the caller read – “Let’s Talk”
  • File reports to authorities
  • Seek counseling

Establishing safety for the child is identified as the first necessary response. Helpline staff work with the caller to identify what can be done to guarantee the child’s safety. If the caller has not yet notified others that abuse has taken place, the Helpline serves a role in describing the reporting process and what to expect.

As the caller considers the reporting option, barriers that are raised are identified and addressed. Many callers are reluctant to report for a variety of reasons. Helpline staff focus on the need for safety and help the caller understand that support and help can be obtained through reporting. 

Treatment and Healing   

Assessment and counseling options are presented to callers when there is evidence that a child has been abused. Treatment may not be necessary for all children but any child showing any distress should be considered for counseling. Sometimes children are not ready to talk to a therapist but may be ready in the future. The caller’s reluctance in seeking treatment for the child is addressed if relevant. Helpline staff further recommend that the caregiving adult can benefit from speaking with a therapist to help decide the need for further treatment for the child. Benefits of counseling for the abused child include:

  • Children will have more of a chance of getting help and healing, leading safe and healthy lives. 
  • Professionals with expertise in trauma, child and adolescent development and child sexual abuse can help a child to express their feelings, accept that the abuse was not their fault and help them to heal.
  • Helping children with their own sexual behavior problems, if evident. One of the best ways to ensure that the child will not abuse others is to get them specialized treatment.
  • Family support is also offered.

Callers may not always understand the child’s experience. Helping the caller begin to approach an Understanding of what a Child is Going Through can support them to take action. We inform and remind callers that: 

  • That the child may have wanted to tell about the abuse but felt trapped 
  • A child breaking the silence may be terrified (though they may not show that) about what’s going to happen next. 
  • A child may feel responsible rather than comforted by a promise of punishment or threats of violence against the person who abused them.
  • The child may still care about or feel protective of the person who sexually abused them.
  • A child may think they won’t be believed or that they are somehow responsible for the abuse and will be punished for it
  • The child may only be sharing part of the story, yet it is not advised to pressure the child for more information.
  • A child may be confused or ashamed by having experienced positive physical pleasure, arousal, or emotional intimacy from the abuse. 
  • A child may feel that they permitted the abuse and should have been able to stop it, feels guilt and shame.  
  • There are no situations where children are able to give informed consent to a sexual interaction with a more powerful child or adult.
  • Children may take back what they say or “recant” their disclosure out of fear or confusion.
  • Secrets are never protective when involving abuse. It is important for children to know that adults do not keep secrets when someone is being harmed. 

Downstream 

The Helpline speaks to many callers who have reported the sexual abuse of a child and have many concerns about how the system (child protection agencies, courts, police, etc.) is responding. Stop It Now! call takers inform callers that we are not a legal or individual case advocacy program. Callers’ frustrations and fears are respected and validated, while the call taker also identifies what resources may be available to support the caller and the child who has been abused. 

Arlaine Rockey’s extensive article, Protecting Your Child from Sexual Abuse in Custody Cases(link is external) is often referenced. Adults are supported to act responsibly and calmly, even when very concerned about a child’s safety. 

The caller is always appreciated for the efforts they’ve made to protect children, and they are reminded that while they may be involved in a very difficult situation, their continued efforts to protect a particular child will help the child know that there are adults who care about their safety.

Red Light Action Steps To Encourage The Bystander Concerned About A Child Who Has Been Abused:

Red Light Calls: Bystanders - Concerns About an Adult or Child who has Abused; Through Disclosure or other Evidence 

The caller who calls with information about an adult or another youth who is abusing children may be feeling a lot of fear. If they have a close relationship with the person who abused them, their fear and confusion intensify. Call takers coach the caller to take protective steps while offering support and understanding, and no judgment. The caller is supported and helped to respond responsibly and effectively.  

The Importance of Reporting

The importance of reporting to child protection authorities is stressed; callers are helped to see reporting as a responsible step in protecting children and not a disastrous step to tear apart their families. The reporting process is explained to callers in detail. Supportive statements to encourage reporting:

  • The child who was abused may disclose first, making things more complicated regarding how the family is involved and how the person who abused is treated.
  • There is an increased risk of further mental and physical harm to the child if reporting is not done.
  • Reporting may be the only way to help the person who abused get the help they need.
  • The importance of specialized treatment for the person who abused

May adults and youth who are abusing children do respond to specialized treatment, and sometimes treatment only becomes an option after a report is made to the authorities. 

Explain what treatment offers to the person who is abusing:

  • They will be able to recognize sexual thoughts and feelings towards a child
  • They will learn to control abusive behaviors and develop a safety plan in order to remain safe and non-abusive
  • They can focus on the improvement of social skills and empathy with an emphasis on maintaining healthy, respectful, and compatible relationships.
  • A counselor with expertise in treating youth with sexual behavior problems can help the child learn appropriate behaviors and help the child to control sexually harmful behaviors early in life before patterns form.
  • Explain that a counselor may be mandated to report to the authorities. Questions regarding mandated reporting should be asked of counseling resources.

Be clear with the caller that someone who is sexually abusing a child cannot change without specialized treatment, even if they want to.

Talking with Someone who has Abused

The caller may want to talk directly to the person who is abusing. This should only be done when safety is assured. Callers are directed to “Let’s Talk” for support and direction and the caller who wants to have this conversation is coached to:

  • Express concerns with a balance of accountability and support as long as they are willing to seek help and stop the abuse.
  • Urge the person who abused to seek specialized treatment.
  • Let the person who abused know that treatment is available and can work.
  • Let the person who abused know that by coming forward and asking for help they may have a better legal position. If the person who abused comes forward and seeks help, the courts may be more lenient when sentencing. The child may report first, legally making things worse for the adult who sexually abused.

Special considerations for youth with sexually harmful behaviors

It is important to emphasize that a youth wither sexually harmful behaviors is affected by their own actions as much as the child who is being treated in this sexually unsafe and inappropriate way. Getting help for a youth with sexually harmful behaviors is vital. Reporting the youth to Child Protective Services and/or the court may help the family get the services they need.

Youth who are not offered treatment for their sexual problem behaviors risk increased legal and criminal difficulties as they age. There is effective treatment available for kids with sexual problem behaviors. When child protective authorities are involved, typically there is a treatment plan developed that identifies adults responsible for helping the child or teen.

Reading Online Materials: 

Safety planning for these children should include the following:

  • Close supervision. 
  • If playing with other children, should be in common areas where adults are able to observe at all times.
  • Do not allow children with sexual behavior problems to ever be in a room with the door closed with other children.
  • Do not give child a role of authority over younger or more vulnerable children
  • Avoid having any sexually explicit materials in the home
  • Adults should use appropriate modesty in the child’s presence. There should be no nudity, partial nudity, or explicit displays of sexual behavior by either parent or other adults in front of the child.  It is, however, appropriate for adults to show normal affection to each other and the children
  • The child should not be permitted to sleep or bathe with the parent
  • Adults should communicate clear rules and expectations about privacy and appropriate sexual behavior to the child. All family members should know and observe these rules.

Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) and Online Behavior

When a caller contacts the Helpline with concerns about an adult viewing child sexual abuse material they often mistake this as a warning sign, and not evidence of child abuse. Helpline staff inform the caller that the viewing of CSAM is itself a crime. Additionally, callers are reminded that there is a child who is being abused in the filming. 

Overall, as technology increases, so does the number of ways children become vulnerable to abuse. The ways these technologies are used in this fashion:

  • Looking at photographs and video images on the internet of children naked, in sexual poses and/or being sexually abused
  • Taking photographs, videos and DVDs of children naked, in sexual poses or being sexually abused.
  • Distributing these images via the internet
  • Communicating and forming a “friendship” with children online with the intent of arranging to meet them in the “real world” to sexually abuse them
  • Encouraging children to hold sexual conversations in which they are instructed to engage in, and talk about, sexual behavior – this is sometimes referred to as cybersex.

Callers who call with descriptions of behavior described before are provided the information for them to make decisions about how to respond. It is clearly stated that viewing and distributing CSEM is a crime. How to report these behaviors is reviewed with the caller, along with the resources available to take these reports.

Red Light Action Steps To Encourage For The Bystander Concerned About An Adult or Child Who Has Abused:

Red Light Calls: Survivors – An Adult Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse or Another Adult with Concerns About an Adult Survivor

While Stop It Now!’s mission and service is to prevent child sexual abuse, calls from survivors are frequent. Adults may just be acknowledging their sexual abuse as a child or they are actively involved in a healing process. Friends and family members of survivors are also frequent callers. 

Often, the survivor or the friend/family member is seeking information on how to prevent child sexual abuse of others. These can be treated like green light calls in some aspects, providing information and resources to help individuals understand tools in prevention.

Red Light Action Steps To Encourage For The Bystander Concerned About An Adult or Child Who Has Abused:

Red Light Calls: Adults who have Abused Children, including Watching CSAM

While these can be the most difficult calls a Helpline associate may take, the approach taken can support this caller in immediately stopping his or her behavior and getting help. Immediate safety for any child at risk is the priority, while encouraging the caller to get help. As with all other calls, confidentiality is explained. However, if the caller indicates that a child is currently being abused then Helpline staff will prioritize steps to support the caller in turning themselves in and to protect the child. Appropriate action in these instances includes following reporting protocols if identifying information is shared by the caller.

The “Approach”

Callers need to know that they are going to get support and help. Call takers let the callers know that others call with similar concerns and acknowledges that it takes courage to make the first call.

The availability and effectiveness of treatment is emphasized, again highlighting that there is help. Any fears and concerns that get in the way of getting help are explored. 

Let them know that help is available to develop a safety plan so that things don’t get worse and that they can feel in control

Ask if there is a child currently at risk.

Ask if they have any specific questions.

We inform this type of caller that they are committing a crime and they need to stop and seek help.  Let the caller know that help is available and it does work.  

The Role of Specialized Treatment

The caller should know that even if they want to stop, specialized treatment is needed. Explain what specialized treatment offers:

  • Help to recognize sexual thoughts, feelings, and fantasies toward a child.
  • Will to recognize the “triggers” that motivate him/her to act on these fantasies and develop ways of controlling the abusive behaviors.
  • Relapse Prevention: once the “triggers” for abusing behaviors are identified, develop and practice coping responses for those risk factors.
  • Treatment works to enhance social skills.
  • Emphasis is placed on maintaining healthy, respectful and compatible relationships.

Callers should be informed that treatment providers and counselors are mandated to report to the authorities. Discuss positive aspects to coming forward and making their own report, as well as the negative aspects to not coming forward. Positive aspects include:

  • Help and healing for person who abused, and for the child.
  • A better legal position; if caller who has abused comes forward and seeks help, the courts may be more lenient when sentencing.
  • Ending further mental and physical abuse to the child.  

Safety Planning

It is vital to plan for safety with this caller.  Ask the caller what they can do to immediately ensure that no further abuse takes place until outside help is secured. Even if caller is willing to follow through on calling treatment providers, steps to ensure children will be safe should be identified. Steps to suggest: 

  • Let another adult know what is going on.
  • Avoid being around the child or any children alone.
  • Avoid places where children are likely to be.
  • Reorganize his or her schedule so they are not around children who are a trigger.
  • Evaluating residence and locating a temporary residence if appropriate.
  • Avoid any substance use or abuse
  • Avoid the internet if illegal images are too tempting – unplug if necessary.
  • Stay active and productive. Engage adult friends and supports.
  • Do something each day that is positive and enhances self-esteem and worth.

It is important to reiterate recommendations and ask caller what their next step will be.  If there are any barriers help the caller work through them. Make referrals for treatment. Close these calls with reinforcement – acknowledge the courage again that it took and stress that it can get better with help.

Note regarding adjudicated offenders:

When an offender has re-entered the community and calls for support, the following resources and suggestions are offered:

  • Engage (or reengage) with treatment provider
  • Use established network of support
  • Call a support person – avoid isolation
  • Contact probation/parole office for re-entry assistance
  • Report self if feeling out of control
  • Admit self to emergency services of local hospital
  • Call prison sex offender treatment program if available

Action Steps to Encourage:

Red Light Sample Calls: Advice Columns