On the Helpline

The Welcome and Conversation Tips

We believe from the initial point of engagement, presenting a caller with a warm, professional, and clear orientation begins to model prevention and can lead to desired outcomes. The following are shared models of language to open conversations.

Helpline Phone Language and Sample Scripts

From the first engagement with a Helpline user, Staff define the helpline service itself. 

Answering the phone:
Hello, you have reached the Stop It Now! Helpline.  My name is ________. Thank you for calling, how can I help you?
(caller introduces presenting need)
(if caller begins to share more of their story, the Helpline counselor may need to interrupt in order to make sure the following is relayed)

I’d be happy to talk over this with you but before we continue, I’d like to confirm that you have reached a helpline for adults with questions about child sexual abuse and prevention. We are a confidential helpline, and are not a legal, investigative or treatment service. As we are confidential, we do not need any identifying information such as last names, addresses, etc. Because we don’t have caller ID on this line, if we do by chance get disconnected, please just call right back.

If a staff in training/supervisor is listening:
And, as we are in the process of training activities if you don’t mind, there will be someone listening in the background; they are on mute. Is that ok? (Wait for response – thank you/no problem)

We are a national program, but we do ask what state you are calling from?

And can you tell me how you found our program?

Great, thank you – now how can I help you?

Chat Language (automatically populates upon chat acceptance): 

Our language that everyone entering our chat portal is presented:

You have reached a confidential helpline for help to respond to questions and concerns about child sexual abuse. We are not a legal, investigative or treatment program.

Stop It Now! is committed to creating a private place where people can freely and openly discuss their concerns about child sexual abuse and consider what steps to take next. We maintain your confidentiality as long as you keep your anonymity. To maintain privacy, anyone contacting the Helpline should refrain from disclosing identifying information, such as last names, addresses, phone numbers, and employers of anyone directly involved in an abusive situation. Stop It Now! does not need any of these details to provide guidance and resources. Please recognize that if you choose to provide Stop It Now! with identifying information about specific people involved in a particular child abuse situation, Stop It Now! may be required to file a report with the appropriate authorities. If you have further questions concerning our confidentiality policy concerning the Helpline, please ask and review our privacy policy.

At the end of your chat, the counselor will not log out immediately so that you can copy and save your chat and resources. Once you close your chat window, you will no longer have access to the chat so please copy and paste anything you want to save for later.

You can also request a transcript of your chat session to be sent to your email. Your email address will not be saved after sending the transcript and will not be used for further communication.

We also want to make sure you are aware of our website at www.stopitnow.org. Additionally, you may want to contact our phone service at 1.888.PREVENT (773.8368).

Again, thank you for waiting and a Stop It Now! Helpline counselor will be right with you.

Email Language

Language Tips

Our Helpline staff have put together the following helpful phrases to address confidentiality and extended “talkers”, general helpful phrases.

Confidentiality/overly detailed-related:

I need to interrupt you here as we are approaching the limit of my ability to maintain your confidentiality.  I think I have the information I need to assist you.

You’ve done a great job laying out your concern.  I don’t need any more information to begin helping you get the resources/support/etc. you need.

I don’t need the details of the incident. You’ve shared enough for me to begin talking about what’s available for support.

Extended Talking:

If you don’t mind, I want to interrupt you.  You’ve done an excellent job sharing with me your concern and some of the specifics of the situation.  I have a good idea of what is going on and what your need is, so let’s talk about next steps, resources and overall safety planning.

It seems it might be helpful for you to talk through some of this with a trained counselor/attorney/therapist/professional as there has been so much going on. We are not here in a treatment role for you and I want to make sure that you get the support and help you need.

At this point I’ve given you some resources and action steps to consider. What steps sound possible to you?

Sample and Suggested Communication Strategies/Language

Don’t underestimate the positive impact of what you have already done

You have taken some very appropriate steps to respond to your child’s safety concerns

The traumatic impact of sex abuse is greatly reduced when a child has safe adults to tell about what happened, and that the child is believed and safety is immediately addressed.

This is a very complicated, difficult situation. I understand why you’re (frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, worried, etc.)

Some steps you can consider…

Some other considerations for you to think about….

I would encourage you…. (used cautiously, generally related to recommending treatment and reporting)

These/Your children are lucky to have you looking out for them

You don’t have to fix this all at once.

You don’t have to take responsibility for his/her/their response, and you don’t have to say it all at once.

It’s great that you called today to find out next steps.

Taking responsibility for protect children is so important

I’m sorry that you (your family, your child, etc.) have been affected by sex abuse.

When adults take responsible steps after a child discloses abuse, then the prognosis for that child’s healing is very high.

Children are very resilient and with support, treatment if appropriate – they often heal with very little difficulties.

Additional tips

Keep focus on talking about what will create the most safety for children involved

Balance accountability with compassion

Reduce isolation – can share that you’ve spoken with other parents/adults about same issue, that others share the same concerns or difficulty, etc.

Acknowledge importance of trusting gut/instincts

Ask what’s been done so far?  And validate these steps

“How are you doing with this…are you receiving support?”

Align with the presented feelings

Responding to Suicide Content

Pay attention to verbal/written cues:

  • I don’t know if I can go on much longer.
  • I don’t want to live
  • I’ve tried to kill myself before
  • I’d be better off dead
  • Others would be better off if I was dead
  • There’s no point in going on
  • There’s no hope for me

Caller is expressing suicidal thoughts/intention:

Ask directly, “Are you thinking of harming yourself?”

  • Can ask, “Are you thinking of suicide”. If they respond “yes”: I would like to try to help you stay safe.
  • Do you know how you would hurt yourself? Gather quick assessment info: a plan increases risk. Combine with next question:
  • Have you ever tried to harm yourself in the past? You are gathering quick info here; again, previous attempts increase risk
  • What/Who helped you that last time you were struggling? Begin to identify what supports/strengths are available.
  • Can I help you get help now? Offer to contact local ER/police/mental health crisis team. 
  • Try to gather information.
  • If caller is refusing to give identifying information, you are only responsible for letting this person know that you want to help, will help if they allow it. You are not responsible for when the caller hangs up and what they do after.
  • Give call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline #: (US)1.800.273.TALK (8255), also remind them they can walk into any hospital emergency room at any time for help.
  • Contact supervisor for immediate debriefing

Additional comments:

Take caller’s statement of intended self-harm seriously. 

Encourage the caller that help and support is available; that there are counselors and others that do understand (adults struggling with thoughts about children, survivors who are struggling, overwhelmed adults, etc.)

Try to help caller identify who is in support circle, who can they contact for help.

Counseling Skills for Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Calls

While the Stop It Now! Helpline does not offer therapy, standard evidence-based counseling skills are necessary for accurate initial assessment of and response to:

  • The already established presence of child sexual abuse or an at-risk situation
  • Opportunities for child sex abuse prevention education

There are many effective counseling models. The Child Helpline International Counselling Practice Guide(link is external), Section 2 provides general necessary core competencies related to helpline counseling skills. 

Stop It Now! defines the following skills as foundations to CSA helpline responding:

  • Empathic Listening
  • Rapport Building
  • Cultural Considerations
  • Basic Communication Skills
  • Resource Knowledge

Empathic listening

When a caller has needs related to child sexual abuse, the skill and intention of empathic listening is vital. How callers perceive they are treated and regarded will help enhance their sense of being able to get help and take action.

If Helpline staff are able to see every caller as a person deserving to live a healthy, harm-free life, several key outcomes are possible:

  • Helpline staff will feel increased success in their role
  • Helpline staff will have a greater sense of meaning in their role
  • Caller will be more likely to better identify their needs
  • Caller will more likely follow through on action plans
  • There will be a higher commitment overall to child sex abuse prevention

Empathic listening is listening with acceptance, support, and respect for any caller.  The key features of empathic listening are:

  • Unconditional regard - Basic acceptance and support of a person regardless of what the person says or does.
  • Non-judgmental - Avoid identification, sympathy, judgment. Listen through the caller’s experience, perception, feelings, etc; not through your own.
  • Active listening - Stay present. Ask questions. Let them know that you are “paying attention.”

Empathic listening with adult callers concerned about their sexual interest in children

It may be challenging to listen to a caller who is either struggling with their own sexual feelings towards children or not doing everything they can to prevent child sexual abuse. Stop It Now! asks Helpline staff to listen to all callers with the understanding that they are asking for help. While not condoning in any way any actions that put children at risk, Stop It Now!’s objective is to assist callers in finding the help they need, take preventive-minded actions, and avoid judging them.

This does not mean that the Helpline counselor’s values need to be relinquished or diminished. This is the act of not judging the person but rather listening to the thoughts and behaviors and helping to respond to the need of help. This needs to be done and felt authentically. If a counselor feels unable to provide support and respect for any caller, the ability to provide the most beneficial child sexual abuse prevention guidance and help is compromised.

Rapport Building

While the “relationship” over the phone is brief and, most often, a one-time occurrence a skilled Helpline counselor is able to build rapport with a caller. Using the aforementioned skills of empathic listening, combined with cultural awareness and overall effective communication skills a caller can feel that, “they are not alone”. Stop It Now!’s approach to prevention is hope and empowerment. When someone feels as though there is a possibility of change and that they can contribute to that, they may feel more connected to a community dedicated to preventing child sexual abuse. They are no longer “alone” in their concern.

Cultural Considerations

An awareness of how the overall issues and concerns related to child sexual abuse and child sexual abuse prevention are affected by cultural beliefs and attitudes expands a counselor’s ability to respond in the most impactful and sensitive manner.  As empathic listening helps “draw out” the caller to better communicate his or her concerns, culturally aware Helpline staff consider culture to better understand, and support callers describing their story and needs.

The impact of culture can be seen in:

  • How the story is told
  • Relationships with authority figures: parents, family, elders, social services, police, medical professionals, etc.
  • Perception of empowerment/sense of control
  • Role expectations
  • Beliefs 
    • Beliefs around spiritual and mental health issues
    • Beliefs around community responsibility
    • Beliefs around family responsibility
    • Beliefs around individual responsibility
    • Beliefs around appropriate treatment and intervention

Fundamental Communication Skills 

Language and Tone

Understanding how important language and tone are on Helpline calls is crucial. Without the use of non-verbal cues and body language, the Helpline call taker benefits from practicing a style that is both confident and knowledgeable, while embracing and welcoming. Many people are talking about concerns with child sexual abuse for the first time. They are timid around language that includes body parts, sexual actions, etc. and need to feel as comfortable as possible in asking someone for help. Counselors need to be able to present difficult topics comfortably and authoritatively, without sounding embarrassed or shocked when sexually explicit language, extreme sexualized behaviors, etc. is referenced. 

Helpline call takers use the caller’s own language whenever possible while paying attention to opportunities to introduce healthy and empowering language. The language is educational without being sounding like a lecture. Sensitive and supportive wording that is both hopeful and compassionate are the building blocks of any conversation.

Listening without agenda or bias

Listening skills are fundamental to practicing effective communication. In child sexual abuse calls, it is especially important to be aware of avoiding personal agendas and biases. Helpline associates need to be wary of the following challenges when listening with preconceived agendas. Indicators that personal agenda or biases may be in play include:

  • Jumping to resources
  • Jumping to rescue (advocacy)
  • Judgment and criticism
  • Personal triggers (countertransference) – emotional connectedness prevents compassionate objectivity

Avoid labels  

While it is recommended to use the same language when possible that the caller uses, call takers should avoid the use of derogatory labels. Words like monster, pervert, demon do not serve the purpose of education and prevention. It doesn’t describe the behavior that is concerning and puts up barriers for individuals who may otherwise be willing to intervene with adults at risk to abuse.  When professionals use labels, it gives permission to others to use these labels.  When negative terms are used to describe any individual, it is frequent that the labeled individual begins to view themselves as the “monster” described in the label, and hence may commit “monstrous” actions.

All situations need to be regarded as unique. Stereotypes support people to avoid working with others who are different, whether it is cultural, gender, mentally, educationally, etc. Avoiding stereotypes is another way to help callers be more specific in their concerns and helps build better safety plans by addressing the specifics of each caller’s unique situation.

Person First Language

Stemming from the idea that labels are unproductive, we engage in using person-first language. This means that instead of referring to someone as an “abuser”, we talk about the “adult who abused” or “adult at-risk”. Though it sounds like a small difference, the impact serves to humanize some of the people who call us for help - adults who are worried about their thoughts or behaviors towards children. Likewise, we also will refer to children and/or adults who have experienced abuse as such, as opposed to “victim”. The term, “survivor” is occasionally used, acknowledging the language most often used by people who have been sexually abused to refer to themselves. 

Knowledgeable about what help and resources are available

While Helpline counselors do not need to be experts in child sexual abuse, it is important to understand what resources are available to help and support a caller. Child sexual abuse often taps into a sense of vulnerability, and it is essential that when providing guidance and referrals, Helpline Associates are thoughtful about the resources being chosen for referral. They do not just share the phone number but frequently will describe what to expect when contacting the resource. 

When dealing with child sexual abuse concerns, adults and children may avoid taking further actions if there are too many barriers in their way. When someone is already fearful of talking about possible sexual abuse, he or she may shut down if they try to contact resources that are unavailable or not helpful. Helplines should make sure that their resources and referrals are current and available so as not to deter the caller from getting help. Up to date resource lists and referrals support callers in being effective in their actions.

Responding to Barriers with Action

Regardless of whether callers are 1.) seeking basic facts about child sexual abuse, 2.) looking to prevent the possible occurrence of abuse, or 3.) responding to evidence of abuse, they face many barriers to taking actions to address their situations. Understanding what gets in their way of preventing and responding to child sexual abuse informs the Helpline's decision on how to respond to the caller. It is most effective when the Helpline call taker starts where the caller is and honors that place. No one can be forced to move faster than they are able to, mentally or emotionally.

Four categories of the reasons people hesitate or completely resist talking about and acting on concerns of child sexual abuse have been identified: fear, beliefs, lack of information, and system response. 

It is absolutely expected, normal and common for there to be barriers for individuals in taking actions to prevent child sexual abuse. Sometimes, people are not aware of what’s in their way until they have spoken with Stop It Now!. By naming the barriers, the barriers themselves become possible to negotiate and more easily addressed.

Fear

Responding to fear is often responding to a sense of powerlessness. The caller’s feelings are acknowledged and validated. By acknowledging the fear and putting a name on it, callers often find some comfort. Feeling the fear acknowledged begins to help the caller feel understood. 

The primary need when fear is the barrier is to address safety concerns. Therefore, guiding and coaching the caller regarding their options for safety planning is the priority. Emphasizing the importance of protecting children helps provide callers with a foundation. This can help and support them into taking courageous actions. Some of the ways fear will come across include:

Shame and guilt 

  • How could I not have seen what was going on
  • I should’ve done something sooner
  • I shouldn’t go outside my family for help

Safety concerns

  • Retaliation
  • Non-sexual violence
  • Increased child sexual abuse
  • I won’t be able to continue to be a resource for the children if I report and the person who may be abusing no longer allows me near the children
  • Difficult choices between employment (which means housing and food) and exposing child to vulnerable situation for childcare purposes; “do my children go without food or do they risk being sexually abused?”

Family disruption

  • System taking children
  • Custody/visitation changes
  • Divorce
  • Loss of relationships
  • Financial Loss – resulting in loss of housing, job, other
  • Children at risk of abusing or who have sexually harmed another child will be labeled

Beliefs

Denial/Hopelessness

Callers often share beliefs that the sexual abuse of a child is impossible in their family and community. They may deny or minimize warnings signs, disclosures and even their own gut feelings. They may believe that they cannot do anything about child sexual abuse. The Helpline’s role with these callers is to provide education. By describing research based facts, warning signs and action steps, callers are given solid tools to make their own assessments and develop a plan of action.

Stereotypes

Beliefs are influenced by stereotypes. They may prevent a concerned adult from taking action because of the difficulty in believing a “good” person can be sexually inappropriate.

Cultural attitudes and expectations

Beliefs are also influenced by cultural attitudes and expectations. Callers’ beliefs are listened to and are not challenged in the traditional manner; they are not judged. However, callers are challenged to find new ways, within their own cultural systems, to protect children. 

Minimizing

  • Every family or everyone has problems
  • She must have asked for it
  • It only happens when he’s drinking
  • It’s not that bad

Lack of Information

Having accurate information about what warrants preventive responses and actions, as well as where to go for help, paves the way for callers to take action. Not knowing if they should be concerned, what to do, or where to go gets in the way of individuals taking action. Helpline counselors educate the caller, giving them tools to make informed decisions. The Helpline is in the position to educate others about the facts of child sexual abuse, while dispelling myths and erroneous beliefs that get in the way of preventive action. Facts and resources are provided to help caller take steps to protect children. Individuals begin to see their role in prevention when:

  • Sexual development is described
  • Warning signs are described 
  • Safety plans are defined
  • Language and conversation tips are reviewed
  • System processes are explained
  • Resources are identified

System Concerns

The sexual abuse of a child cannot “stay in the family”. However, callers often describe the system designated for responsible child protection as ineffective and unfriendly; unable to keep children safe. Services and agencies that are charged with child protection responsibilities are often described by callers as:

  • Not trustworthy
  • Unresponsive
  • Harsh and Reactive
  • Punitive

Stop It Now! knows that callers are often calling with frustration regarding the child protection system, yet child sexual abuse behaviors need to be addressed within the system. Callers describe situations when:

  • Child is not perceived as credible
  • Protective adult is not perceived as credible
  • Report doesn’t trigger full investigation
  • System continues to place child in at-risk situations

Helpline staff support the caller in remaining hopeful and empowered. Stop It Now! identifies its limitation in areas of law and individual case advocacy and refers the caller to local agencies and programs that may be better able offer advocacy within the system